Friday, June 30, 2017

The Wind & the Water

The salty scent of Spam and beans, simmering in goose stock made from river water, on the stove provides the perfect warm and dry backdrop for me to reflect on the water that sustains all life and the wind that mimics water in its purpose and value.

The fresh water of the Unalakleet River runs some 90 miles from the Kaltag Mountains to the Bering Sea, where it stirs into the icy arctic salt water in swirls and waves. Sitting in a boat, some ten miles upriver, anchor holding us securely in place, the current tinkles past as it hits the aluminum hull, sounding not unlike wind chimes fluttering in the breeze. It makes me pause to reflect on the similarities of wind and water and my love for both, my need for both.

Just then, a gust rustles through a nearby Aspen, rising head and shoulders around the surrounding willows on the bank. The quivering silver and green leaves sound like rushing water, a waterfall. Closing my eyes, I can see the waterfall, clear and fast, bubbling over the rocks, here and there moss-covered. I open my eyes to a calm slough with tundra cotton gently sailing through the air and landing on its surface, giving it the look of quarter-size snowflakes landing on black ice. The gust settles and the glittering silver leaves settle into the still green of summer. I’m pulled back to the task at hand.

The spin of a reel. The plop of the spoon lure.  The gentle, rhythmic reeling in of the line. Fish on! Suddenly, the line whines like a loose zipper as the salmon takes off with the hook, leaping out of the water with a flip of its tail. Leaning back, the pole strains into a perfect, upside-down “U” in my grip. The fish swims against the line in the shape of the infinity symbol, over and over. There is a message here. A connection. Man and fish. Wind and water. Sometimes the man wins and the fish ends up in the frying pan. Often, the fish wins, wriggling its way off the line before it can be coaxed into the finality of the boat.

The wind blows and the river rises, summer and winter. At times, the wind can be heard a long way off, heading toward me like a hundred thousand buffalo hooves in the deep snow, but it is summer. As it gets closer, the sound changes to a rush of water. I look upriver from the porch, as the wind is usually coming from that way, the east, half expecting to see a tsunami rolling toward me. Instead, I see the distant trees bending my way and in the next instant, the wind is in my hair, cool and fresh, blowing the mosquitoes back into the tall grass and offering a cool respite from the late August smell of decaying Humpies along the shore of the river.

My memory goes back. I grew up on and in the cool lake waters of northern Wisconsin, spending hours alone fishing from a canoe and getting temporarily stranded more than once on a nearby island in a windy rain that made it impossible to paddle home for several hours. I was never afraid. I could see our dock from where I sat, huddled under a giant pine. The storm wouldn’t last forever, but this cycle of wind and rain, on and off, now and again, would. Somehow, that was settling, comforting. The calm would come again, eventually. While I waited, it gave me time to quietly listen to the wind and the rain, as it drowned out all sounds of wildlife. The only sounds were those of wind and water. A stormy home life lay just beyond that dock. That pause in my day filled my head with thoughts of simply paddling the other way, forever. But, alas, after the surge abated, some sort of inner compass led me home. The same compass that led me to this very porch on which I now stand, overlooking the river and the distant Whaleback Mountains, contemplating the life and sounds around me.


Unalakleet is a water village, surrounded on three sides by water, both fresh and salt. Its name means, “Where the east wind blows.” It is no coincidence that the wind and the water are an infinite life force here. It is divine providence.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Match.com


July 2016 at the Unalakleet River Lodge
Stage Left: Enter 48-year-old high school English teacher from Wisconsin, now residing in a remote Alaskan village on the Bering Sea, teaching Spanish to Eskimos.

Stage Right: Enter 60-year-old trapper/fishing guide/small engine repairman from Minnesota, who has spent the last 25 years earning his Sourdough title in that same remote Alaskan village on the Bering Sea.

Front Center Stage: Match.com

It all started with a Wink.

Kathy (aka Alaska_Soul) had been dating on and off via Match.com for 15 years. Finding herself single and headed to the Alaskan bush to teach, she began checking out profiles for men in the Unalakleet area, located on the Norton Sound, south of Nome, Alaska. Her lifelong dream had been to live off the land in an off-grid cabin somewhere in the wilds of Alaska. She wasn’t getting any younger and with both of her adult daughters building their own lives in the Lower 48, it was time to make the jump.

In a state whose motto is, “The odds are good, but the goods are odd,” as relating to how many single men live there, the selection was pretty slim in Unalakleet, according to Match. But, Kathy wasn’t looking for love as much as she was looking for peace and quiet. Still, there was one profile for a clean-shaven man who caught her eye.

She winked.

First Dance.
Gregg (aka Buckshot Gordy) had put a profile on Match.com after much urging from his trapping partner. He’d corresponded with a few women from around Alaska, but nothing ever stuck. Living off-grid in his self-built cabin on the Unalakleet River, the only year-round resident on the river, didn’t provide him much time for online dating. However, he did run a small engine repair shop in the village where he had a cell phone and internet.

He had let his Match subscription lapse, but still occasionally checked to see who was on there. One day, there was a wink. He winked back.

Alaska_Soul messaged Buckshot Gordy through the dating site but never heard back. Buckshot Gordy never read the message because he didn’t have a subscription. Nine months passed, during which they both reread each other’s profile descriptions several times. He figured that in Unalakleet, population 750, they were bound to run into one another. She figured that he just wasn’t interested.

Finally, he showed Alaska_Soul's profile to Sissy, his trapping partner, 30 years his junior and very technologically savvy. She did a quick search on the woman’s profile picture, discovered her blog, and found out that she was the local high school English teacher. That was all ole Buckshot Gordy needed to know.

Out on the trapline
He headed over to the school that November afternoon about 3:30, just as school was letting out, and asked the school secretary where he could find the English classroom. Being a longtime resident, she didn’t even question him, just pointed the way.

Five minutes later, in his grimy overalls, having come straight from under a snowmachine rebuild, and sporting his usual baseball hat, work boots, and bushy beard and mustache, he walked into Ms. Kysar’s classroom and said hello to a few of the boys as he made his way to her desk, where she was finishing up with a student.

“Hi,” he said with a big smile. His blue eyes sparkled from beneath the filthy hat.

“I’m Gregg,” he introduced himself.

Immediately, the teacher thought this must be a parent that she didn’t recognize and she responded, “Hello?” with a question in her voice.

“Buckshot Gordy,” he explained.

“Ohhhh,” she laughed nervously as all of the curious eyes in the classroom watched her.

Wedding Day
“I’m sorry, but I’m really busy wrapping up the school day. Uh-,“ a million thoughts raced through her mind. Awkward, yes. Off guard, yes. Nosey students everywhere. Online dating is embarrassing. Why was he here? He didn’t look anything like his clean-shaven online picture. They seldom do! That smile was drawing her in. In fact, she liked beards.

“No problem. I’ll catch up with you later,” and he made a quick exit. Just like that, he was gone. She didn’t know where to find him or how to reach him.

“It’s just as well,” she quietly thought to herself as the students left and she packed up her desk. He was all she could think about as she walked back to teacher housing.

Driving his 4-wheeler back to his repair shop, Gregg realized that he probably hadn’t made the best first impression.

“Maybe I should have cleaned up a bit first,” he questioned himself, “Well, what you see is what you get.”

He thought they’d probably run into each other around town, but that was about it. She didn’t seem interested. A notice showed up in his email saying that he’d received a message from her, but he didn’t want to pay the activation fee just to read an email that probably just told him she wasn’t interested.

Three months later, Match.com offered a free weekend of communication in honor of Valentine’s Day. Gregg read her email. She had sent him her phone number.  He called.

Shocked to actually hear his voice on the phone, Kathy’s heart crawled up her throat. The phone calls continued over the next couple of weeks. Conversation was easy, but it felt strange to her to be carrying on a phone relationship with someone who was calling from a mile away.

Honeymoon
On his end, Gregg was unfamiliar with dating, having lived off-grid for the past 25 years and spending much of that, months at a time, completely alone on the trap line. But, there was something about Kathy’s profile that intrigued him. Perhaps it was that she enjoyed the outdoors. It did say, “If you can chop wood, that’s a plus.” He laughed at that one, as he tossed another log into his wood stove. Were there actually people out there who couldn’t chop wood?

Finally, they set a date for the first week of March. They would meet up after she finished teaching for the day and 4-wheel up the frozen Unalakleet River. She followed him as they started out onto the river on a well-traveled trail, each on their own 4-wheeler. Here and there, along the way, Gregg would stop to point out landmarks. North River. South River. Fish camps. A free-flowing spring along the north bank where locals got water in the winter. An old log cabin that he first stayed in and ran sled dogs from when he moved to Unalakleet those many years ago.

Seven miles up river, they arrived at his cabin. Warming up with hot chocolate next to the oil stove, they talked until the sun started to go down. It was easy. It was comfortable. It was perfect.

Being that this was her first time on the river, he led her back to town and they said goodbye at the edge of the water in the AC store parking lot, too bundled up to do more than wave goodbye.

Their story goes on from there. Quiet dinners at her apartment followed by movies on the television turned into peaceful weekends at his cabin, reading by kerosene lamp. They became inseparable.

The following April (4/10/17), they were married by the local magistrate with two close friends as witnesses as he put the most unique wedding ring on her finger, a shiny, new hose clamp. You just can’t make these things up!

The Cabin
They now live at the 400sf cabin together, the only year-round residents on the Unalakleet River in western Alaska, seven miles from the Bering Sea, with their three dogs always underfoot. Gregg still works at his small engine repair shop in town and traps in the winter, working at the Unalakleet River Lodge in the summer. Kathy spends her days minding the cabin, working the garden, sewing, canning, and writing.


Take a bow, Match.com! The curtain has closed on another great match.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Wash Day


Laundry View
Wash day starts early. The sooner I get the laundry up on the lines, the more likely it will be dry by the end of my day. My days are not measured by daylight because that would give me a never-ending day in the summer and only an hour or so in the winter. However, that’s another story in itself.

Rainwater bucket
Water Barrel
Wash day actually starts with the rain. Our rain collection system provides clearer water than we can get from the river, so it’s much better for laundry. However, in the winter, melting fresh snow does the trick. The water catchment system drains into a 5-gallon bucket under the cabin. Every time a bucket is full, we dump it into a large 35-gallon trash barrel. We try to be extremely vigilant about this when it rains. To have a bucket run over means wasted water, so we catch every drop we can.

Using an old, plastic, Folgers’ can (the 3 lb size is most useful), I dip out the water and pour it through a strainer, to catch any pine needles that may have floated down with the water off of the roof, into a large, steel, cooking pot. I carry that into the cabin and heat it up on the propane cook stove. I’ve actually gotten pretty good at knowing when it’s the right temperature without even touching it. The secret is that as soon as all of the cold moisture droplets on the pot have evaporated, it’s the perfect temperature to wash clothes. I don’t want it to boil, but I want the water to be hot enough to completely dissolve my homemade washing powder and clean the clothes well.
My proud propane stove moment, short-lived!
One particularly hot day, I decided to heat the water on our portable camp stove outside. My thought was that it would not only keep the cabin from heating up, but also prevent so many trips in and out of the house, every one of which lets in more flies and mosquitoes. We had just enough propane left in the canister for me to finish my four loads of laundry for the day. Being extremely proud of my enterprising effort, I anxiously told Gregg about it over dinner. He laughed and said that those little, green, propane canisters cost 20 bucks a piece at the AC Store in town. I swallowed hard and decided to always use the kitchen stove from now on.

Heating up water on the kitchen stove
While the water heats up, I get my laundry tub ready, fill it with clothes (it has a 5 lb capacity), pour in the detergent, and bring a chair from the front porch down to the wash area. The area where I wash laundry is five steps down from the cabin, on the deck that leads to the Lodge Walking Trail. It is a 12 ft square platform on which the generator and rainwater barrel sit and is the perfect place to let wash water drain off the edge and down the hill.

When the water is warm, I carry it out of the cabin with potholders and gently pour it into the washtub which I straddle with my legs to keep it from turning over while I fill it. It is a sealed round barrel that builds pressure from the hot water being sealed inside as I turn it over and over. I fill it with two-thirds of my heated water, saving the rest for the rinse cycle.

Washin' Clothes - 5lbs at a time.
Now the real work begins as I sit in the chair and roll the tub back and forth, round and round for five long minutes. Who needs a gym with resistance training classes when you’ve got a laundry barrel like this?! On a pretty morning, while turning that barrel, I look out at the dogs splashing at the edge of the river, and I am thankful. It’s one more mindful experience. When one has to really wash their clothes, not throw them in a machine, push a button, and walk away, clothes don’t look nearly as dirty at the end of every day. I have a set of “work” clothes and a set of  “clean clothes” that I wear again and again for several days.

After the five-minute wash cycle, it’s time to wring and rinse. Again, this is not a button on a machine. After inserting the drainpipe and opening the lid of the wash tub, I remove each item, one by one, and hand-wring it before placing it in a clean, empty pot like the one in which I heat the water. When everything has been rung out, I snap each item back into shape and put it back into the washtub with the rest of the now-luke-warm water, and give it a quick spin or two. At that point, it’s time to let the clothes sit for a minute while I refill the pot with water from the 35-gallon barrel and put it back on the kitchen stove to warm up for the next load. Five pounds of laundry is not very much – three shirts, two pairs of pants, and a pair of shorts fills it up, so I usually do three to four loads of laundry at a time.

While the next load of water is heating, I head back out to roll the tub back and forth, round and round for another five minutes. Whew! It’s time for the final wring dry. It’s a wet job and my hands get more of a workout than they did when I owned the bakery and shaped 40 loaves of bread at a time. But, it’s good, honest, hard work and I enjoy it, take pride in it, even revel in my good fortune to be this close to nature while doing laundry.

Wash Day!
After every piece is wrung out and snapped and put in the clean pot, I fill the tub with the next load and washing powder. Then, I’m off to hang the first batch on the clothesline, which is actually a combination of several lines hung around the porch and side of the house. Heavy items go on the porch where they’ll get the most sun and wind. Smaller items, like socks and underwear, can go around the side where the line is closer to the hillside.

The first load is done and I head back inside to get the water, which is probably just about the right temp! This process is repeated until the laundry is done, which takes about half an hour per load.

Clean fingernails have to be the best side benefit of doing laundry by hand. The major downers are the super-dry hands. Thankfully, I keep plenty of lotion around!


Heavy items like jeans and Carhartt work pants can take up to two days to dry, and that’s with 24-hours of daylight! Alas, it is finished! Time to go work in the garden.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Different Strokes

I’ve been a single mom for 19 years. My daughters are now 26 and 23 years old. You might be thinking that the mothering is over. The truth is that it’s never over. Their feelings, their wants, their needs are always on my mind whether I just got off of the phone with them or it’s been weeks since we talked.

“I just want you to know I’m happy for you,” Sarah, my youngest, told me today, through tear-filled eyes.

I am visiting her and her husband and my new 2-month-old grandson. My 11-day visit ends today, when I go back home, 3,180 miles away.

I’ve always dreamed of living in an off-grid cabin in Alaska. Ask anyone who’s known me for more than 10 minutes. My girls were raised with me telling them that, one day, they would have to bring the grandbabies by plane or 4-wheeler to visit me in my cabin in the wilds of Alaska.

“I’ll make sure to have plenty of sleeping bags for everyone to camp out on the floor,” I’d tell them.

Neither one of them can remember a time when I ever told them different. It was who I was going to be. It was more than a dream. It was a goal. It was a plan. It was my destiny.

That was never their dream; it was all mine. I never pressured them to follow in my footsteps. I never even suggested it. I always encouraged them to follow their own dreams, create their own paths, live their own lives.

The year that I turned 40, I put the plan in motion by taking a teaching job in Homer, Alaska. April spent her senior year of high school there, loved it, but was intent on moving back to Wisconsin to pursue her dream of being a teacher. She has done that and so much more. She’s now teaching 7th grade English, happily married, and has spent several summers traveling the world. I am so very proud to call her my daughter!

Sarah was in the 8th grade when we moved to Alaska. She, too, graduated from high school in Homer and then went on to attend the University of Alaska – Anchorage for one year before following her own path back to the lower 48. She now works for a dental office, is happily married, and gave me my first grandbaby two months ago. What an amazing woman she has turned into!

Still, despite it all, they have a hard time understanding why I continue to live my life in Alaska, why I don’t move closer to them, and how I can be happy living so far away, especially now that grandchildren are starting to arrive. It is difficult for me to hear this, in part because I feel guilty for all the obvious reasons, but also because I feel jealous that they receive my complete support and encouragement to follow their dreams, but I don’t receive that from them, not anymore.
It’s not that I wouldn’t love to live near them, but I’m not the one who moved away from Alaska. My sense of self is much different from theirs. I suffer from severe anxiety in crowds, need a lot of time to myself, and yearn to live in the quiet solitude of the wild. My daughters know all of this, of course, because they grew up with me.

I always imagined myself alone in my dream life; however, I was lucky enough to meet Gregg, a 32-year Alaskan from northern Minnesota, who followed his dream at age 30 to a riverside cabin that he built along the Unalakleet River, home of world-class salmon fishing as well as world record-size grizzly bears. The only person to live off-grid on that river year-round, he is my match. Together, we get to live out our common life goals and make our dreams a reality. Crazy amazing! 

Is it so wrong to revel in my good fortune at living my life-long dream? Do I have some sort of synaptic disconnect that keeps me from moving to the upper Midwest to live near my children and their families? Should I keep my happiness to myself so as not to make others feel bad?

As I reflect back honestly, I wasn’t always 100% supportive of their decisions. I questioned their motives. I questioned their sensibilities. I questioned them. I should expect the same. After all, I taught them to question.

Perhaps one day they’ll find the answers they’re searching for and be as happy for, and proud of, me as I am for them.


Your comments are welcome.

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