Dreams

Today is a thoughtful day for me. Sarah had her senior pictures taken this afternoon. It was a two hour, outdoor process with several outfit changes. They started at Bishop’s Beach, then went to the docks at the marina and finally to a beautiful setting up on the bluffs above Homer where the leaves are changing. Today’s forecast called for a 60% chance of rain, but we actually had sunshine peeking through the clouds all day – a blessing. Most senior pictures in Homer are done outside – photography studios are a myth in this beautiful seaside community. The outdoors is truly embraced here like I’ve never seen anywhere else. The 50 degree temps made it a bit chilly but the mountains provided a blanket-like backdrop.

Sarah’s Senior year. While that brings much excitement with it, it is also bittersweet. It is an ending and a beginning all wrapped up in one. It will be the end to 14 years of my number one job being a single parent. My taxi service, overnight chaperone service, making of daily breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for someone else, and everything else that goes along with daily parenting will disappear, literally overnight, next August. Both of my little chicks will be out of the nest and on their own. It will just be me (and the dog and the cats). I understand that the empty nest syndrome is a difficult time for married couples. I cannot even fathom how I will deal with it alone. But, like the tides coming in every day, it will happen. It will change the landscape for me, but I will still be here, embarking on a new adventure.

Last March, my lifelong dream of living in the bush came crashing down around me. It’s all I’d ever wanted. That’s where I saw myself when my kids were gone from home. I’d live and teach in the bush. Reality became a nightmare. My dreams shattered. I stumbled back from that experience wounded and lost. I had to start over, literally. I’ve always been a person with big dreams and goals to make them come true. When I realized my dream was not what I wanted anymore, I was shaken to my core. What now? Forty-four years old and… what now? Well, I’ve gotten my balance back and have done a lot of soul searching. Who am I? What are my talents? What do I really want out of life? Where do I want to be emotionally, financially, and geographically in 10 years? How do my soon-to-be-grown children play into all of this?

Well, I’m here to tell you, “When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum. Then, begin to dream again!”

This is what I know about myself: I love Homer, writing, cooking, being outside, teaching, being around teens, making people happy, and trying new things. I’m good at writing, cooking/baking, organizing, managing and motivating people, teaching, and selling (that’s an awful lot like teaching).

While both of my daughters are embarking on the next big adventures in their lives, I’m working on a new dream. It will involve all of the things that I love and am good at. If there’s one thing I’ve taught my girls, it’s to dream big. I feel like one of those little mechanized toy cars that you wind up and put on the floor and it zooms off, only to run into a chair leg, back up, turn in another direction and zoom off again.

Carrie King (check out Kings of Small Things on Facebook) worked at the Homer News this summer and she’s working on a terrific project. She asked what my message to America would be. I didn’t even have to give it a second thought – LIVE YOUR DREAM!