Monday, October 19, 2020

Stormy Seas

 

This morning, in the weekly email that the Mat-Su College Campus Director sends out to all faculty, he described a recent Kenai Fjords boat tour that he had taken. It was a stormy day for a boat ride, and he was prone to seasickness. However, the day afforded him a once-in-a-lifetime look at Fin Whales and he closed his description with, "I was happy to have the open seas behind me, but the pictures are a reminder of the unknowns yet to be discovered way out there. ... I think this is a hard time to feel like you can do much of anything. If you have to be someplace during a global pandemic, then Alaska appears to be the right place. Bad beginnings don't always mean bad endings, it helps to keep on moving forward."

I identified so much with his analogy of being in the midst of a storm on the open sea that I sent him this response:

Thank you so much for this. You have no idea, or perhaps you do, how much I needed to hear/read this today. I, too, have questioned a big decision that I recently made, the decision to teach WRTG 110 even though it would be 100% online.

My husband and I moved to the road system, Sutton, just about a year ago from Unalakleet. More specifically, we lived 8 miles up the Unalakleet River from the village in an offgrid, 400sf cabin that he built 25 years ago. We were the only people who lived on the river year-round, but at 63 (him) and 52 (me), it was time to stop hauling water and climbing the side of a mountain to get to the outhouse. Actually, the social isolation had become more than I could bear, yearning for a life of book clubs, time with grandkids, and having guests over for dinner, I was even looking forward to teaching in a classroom again. I had been teaching online for UAF's Bristol Bay Campus for two years at that point. You read that right - when I cranked up our small, portable generator, I could get perfect internet capabilities in the middle of nowhere.

When January came, and our feet were firmly planted in Sutton, the idea of teaching at Mat-Su College was like a dream come true. Teaching WRTG 090 and 110 in the classroom that semester felt good, and being able to have that face-to-face connection with students was just what I needed. Then, Spring Break came. And went. Along with it went my face-to-face classes. Thankfully, having a background in online teaching helped the students and me to muddle through the rest of the semester.

Disheartened but determined when UA announced that the fall semester would be online, I signed the contract to teach WRTG 110. When 22 students initially registered, I was surprised. I asked all students to email a brief blurb to me describing their personal situation, why they were taking the class, etc., as I always do with online classes. When I read that my students were scattered from Anchorage to Qatar and most with little or no college or online class experience, I could see the storm coming and I was headed directly into the open seas.

Knowing that there would be no protected areas to shelter me from this storm, I steadied myself and set my course. I began to teach technology in tandem with writing. I was tasked with teaching students about rubrics, Blackboard, Zoom, Youtube, subtitles, Google docs, and... the waves just kept rolling in. Gone were the sunny days of class discussions about the assigned readings and raised hands with questions that others had and I could answer in 10 seconds. Feeling rudderless, I continued on.

In addition to now grading 20 discussion posts and replies every week (thankfully, 2 students dropped the class), there were now 20 grammar assignments to grade, because we couldn't simply go over the lesson together in class where I could gauge their understanding. Next, came the 20 reading quizzes to grade every week, because I could not simply take 3 minutes to walk around the room and look at their work or engage in a class discussion. Then came the 20 weekly exercises that needed to be graded, which would have taken the form of small group discussions in the classroom. Finally, the 20 essays come in which are often turned in off-topic because the students don't want to "bother" me with an email.

I have to believe that if the class hadn't been wide open for any UAA student to take, I would have had more control over the wind. My Spring Semester classroom had 13 students and a lot less grading. The very nature of online teaching requires more time. In addition, more students equates to even more time.

This morning, I woke to 72 assignments waiting to be graded in Blackboard from that one, single class.

Could I assign less work? Yes, but that would mean that students don't learn as much. I've already reduced the number of essays for the course. I love to teach writing, and I'm very good at it. However, stacking my class to capacity with students from all over, outside the Mat-Su area, some of whom have never taken a college course or been out of school for over a decade, most of whom have a very minimal understanding of online technology, leaves me with very little room to actually teach writing. Most days, like today, I feel like I will surely drown.

To pay an adjunct for 7 1/2 hours of work each week for a 3-credit class when there has been such a drastic change in course is akin to paying a fisherman for only those times when he's actually taking a fish off the hook.

I will continue to alter the course this semester to keep both my students and myself from going under. However, the experience has persuaded me to withdraw my name from the adjunct faculty pool, and head for safe harbor, for next semester and until we go back to in-person teaching.

Again, thank you for your timely message this morning. I hope I continue to receive them even during the time when I'm not a part of the adjunct faculty.

Friday, October 9, 2020

Clearing the Air

 I have a terrible habit of speaking the truth on social media, probably because I didn’t have a friend to vent to over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.

  • Two people were illegally hunting moose after dark from a moving boat on the river in front of our cabin. That post nearly got me lynched. 

  • The Unalakleet River Lodge used toxic cleaners in the cabins and the lodge (that post got me banned from the lodge). They didn’t use locally sourced ingredients and they served only the cheapest cuts of meat to the hard-working guides. I told the guests how delicious moose, caribou, and halibut were. The guests, who paid $5,300 per person for one week, would never get to taste them at the lodge and I was told to shut my mouth about local game. I could have gone on and on, but I won’t.

  • I could order groceries for ⅓ as much, with free delivery from Target, as they charged at the local AC grocery store. That pissed off the store managers, who were besties with the lodge owner and manager, so that contributed to my banishment from the lodge.

  • There were empty whiskey bottles on the school lawn, tobacco stains on my classroom carpet, and racism was rampant in Kwethluk. That blog post brought threats from the community that were so severe that I broke my teaching contract and left the village in March.

  • The Unalakleet High School pressured me to give passing grades to athletes so that they could play in sporting events. That post got me fired, or non-retained as they say in the ed biz.

Saturday, October 3, 2020

Silence!


 Being silenced is a feeling that has been with me since birth. 

  • My mother has a boyfriend and we go to his house for dinner, but I shouldn’t tell my dad. 

  • My grandma says bad things about my mother, but I shouldn’t tell my mother. 

  • My mom screams and throws things at my dad every night after I go to bed, but that’s private, family business. 

  • My dad uses a credit card to break into the house when Mom is not home - shhhhh. 

  • My mom slapped my face, but she’s sorry - shhhhh. 

  • I want to disappear - shhhh. 

  • I climb on the bathroom sink so that I can open the medicine cabinet, and I eat all of the yummy, orange, baby aspirins. Maybe they will make me sleep and never wake up, but I drop the glass bottle in the sink and Mom comes to check on me. At the hospital, they make me puke and send me home. I was just trying to disappear, but I don’t dare tell anyone that. Shhhh.


That was all before I was 8 years old, and made a powerful impression on me.

Life went on.


Don’t tell your father.

Don’t tell your mother.

Don’t say that about your stepfather.

Don’t tell the school counselor.

Don’t say that.

Don’t write that.

Don’t look at me like that.

Don’t breathe.

Don’t smile.

Don’t go.

Don’t stay.

Don’t play.

Don’t look.

Don’t listen.


Be quiet.

Be good.

Be polite.

Be subservient.

Be invisible.


You are selfish.

You are weak.

You are a bad …

You will never ....


Stand straight.

Smile with your mouth closed.

Wear a little makeup.

Run faster.

Try harder.


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