Silence!

 Being silenced is a feeling that has been with me since birth. 

• My mother has a boyfriend and we go to his house for dinner, but I shouldn’t tell my dad. 

• My grandma says bad things about my mother, but I shouldn’t tell my mother. 

• My mom screams and throws things at my dad every night after I go to bed, but that’s private, family business. 

• My dad uses a credit card to break into the house when Mom is not home - shhhhh. 

• My mom slapped my face, but she’s sorry - shhhhh. 

• I want to disappear - shhhh. 

• I climb on the bathroom sink so that I can open the medicine cabinet, and I eat all of the yummy, orange, baby aspirins. Maybe they will make me sleep and never wake up, but I drop the glass bottle in the sink and Mom comes to check on me. At the hospital, they make me puke and send me home. I was just trying to disappear, but I don’t dare tell anyone that. Shhhh.

That was all before I was 8 years old, and made a powerful impression on me.

Life went on.

Don’t tell your father.

Don’t tell your mother.

Don’t say that about your stepfather.

Don’t tell the school counselor.

Don’t say that.

Don’t write that.

Don’t look at me like that.

Don’t breathe.

Don’t smile.

Don’t go.

Don’t stay.

Don’t play.

Don’t look.

Don’t listen.

Be quiet.

Be good.

Be polite.

Be subservient.

Be invisible.

You are selfish.

You are weak.

You are a bad …

You will never ....

Stand straight.

Smile with your mouth closed.

Wear a little makeup.

Run faster.

Try harder.