Winter Thoughts

It’s an overcast, 28 degree Sunday morning with snow in the forecast and many things on my mind. Sundays are often reflective days for me and this one is no different. Its days like these when I really wish I had a close friend who lived nearby. Not having a friend/partner to confide day to day thoughts is difficult, but it’s just the way life is for me.

Losing Weight. Because of Take Shape for Life’s incredible weight loss program, I’ve managed to lose 25 pounds since the first of the year. That comes to 2 pants sizes! I’m determined to lose another 25, hopefully by the end of March. We won’t talk about what my starting weight was, but my goal is to get back to where I was about 8 years ago. Also, because I’m such a believer in this medically-backed (by doctors at Johns Hopkins) program, I’m now a Health Coach helping others to get healthy, too. Food is such an important part of my life and with my own bakery/restaurant looming on the horizon, it’s time to be in control of what and, more importantly, how much I eat. (as a side note, if you want to know more about this incredible program, ask me)

The Restaurant. It’s beginning to feel a little daunting. As summer slowly approaches, out-of-state friends/family talk about coming to visit. Normally, I’d be jumping at these chances to show folks my slice of paradise here in Homer. However, this summer will be my first summer at the restaurant and I’m anticipating 18-hour days with no time off. We serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner, in addition to providing catering, box-lunch services and a full-on bakery in a booming tourist destination May through September, with June-August being the busiest months of the year. Summer is over in September, and the snow flies in October. Despite my excitement over running the restaurant, there is some disappointment that my days of summer halibut and salmon fishing are over. No jumping on board a friend’s floatplane for a last minute flight over the glaciers in mid-July. No lazy days picking Fireweed flowers in August for homemade jelly. No time to spend with friends and family hiking across the bay or paddling a kayak or just driving around taking pretty pictures. Summer vacation? What’s that?

I still want people to come visit in the summer because there is SO much to do here. However, they might just have to do it without me. (sad face) On the other hand, I’ll make sure they’re well fed!

My Sister. Her father is suffering from end-stage Diabetes and everything that comes with it. He’s in the hospital for the last time. He’s 85 years old. It’s sad. Heartbreaking, really. I was with my sister when she lost her mother to Lupus eight years ago. I helped her pick out a dress to wear to the funeral. Actually, I could hardly see her in the dressing room through all of my tears. I feel things very deeply where she is concerned. You must be wondering why I’m talking about “her” father and “her” mother when we’re sisters. The short version is that she and I have the same biological father but she was raised by her mother who married a man who adopted her and she’s always known him as her dad. Holly and I met for the first time 15 years ago and we’ve been sisters ever since. (detailed story to be revealed in an upcoming blog post) That said, it’s extremely hard for me to watch her lose her parents. After all, she’s my sister. I feel it almost as if I’m losing my own parents.

Sarah. Time is ticking away. Tomorrow, it will be the end of August and she’ll leave for college. The house will be quiet, too quiet. I’ll pour myself into the restaurant. Her cats will be lost without her. I am so very happy for her and proud of her. Still, there is a heaviness in my heart as the day nears for my last little chick to leave the nest.

Work. I worked two 12-hour days this past week (I know, I know – that’s nothing compared to what’s in store for me this summer…) in addition to the other three regular 9-hour days. I’m trying hard to reach the required budget numbers on a variety of projects at the Homer News. I not only have the weekly paper to sell ads for (3,000 copies distributed weekly), but am also working on the beloved Homer Map (40,000 copies distributed the first of May), Shorebird Festival Guide (27,000 copies distributed mid-April), online Tour Guide – www.HomerAlaska.com (still trying to fulfill that project that went live online January 1), and we’re trying desperately to find a replacement for me in time for me to train them fully before I leave the first of May. Overwhelming? Yes. Can I do it all? Definitely. It’s a weighty feeling to know that 90% of the newspaper budget depends on what I do, or don’t do. I love the Homer News and want it to be successful and thriving, always.

Car. I wrecked my car in a blizzard on the Beluga Slough bridge 3 weeks ago. It took the insurance company 2 ½ weeks to get it together and finally issue a check for damages. I used that check along with my wrecked car as a trade-in (I did not like that creaky, problem-riddled Chrysler Pacifica from the get-go) to buy a worthy 2010 Jeep Patriot 4WD this past Tuesday. Taking care of that kind of a hassle takes a lot of time, especially when you live 90 miles from the nearest car dealer or used car lot. I consulted with my dad over the phone, a lot, throughout the process. Again, it sure would be nice to have a significant other by my side in times like those. In the end, I thought I got a great deal with a good interest rate and all. Because of all of the issues I’d had with the Pacifica, I got the extended warranty and I even talked the dealership into throwing in a set of studded tires (a “must” in Homer). When all was said and done, I walked away with a $260/month car payment and I was all smiles. Of course, when I talked to my dad the next day, he expressed his disappointment in me for the deal I made concerning the warranty and the tires. I try so hard to make the right decisions and I think I made the best decision that I could, all by myself. Still, his disappointment always gets me down.

Men. I’ve been back in touch with an old flame from Louisiana. Things didn’t work out between us all those years ago because I was too afraid of my ex-husband and my mother. My ex had a nasty habit of filing for custody of the girls every time I had a serious boyfriend. My mother tended to side with him. It was ugly and I was a young mother and couldn’t handle the thought that I might lose my kids. I finally gave up and never had another serious relationship. I just couldn’t handle the backlash. I was weak, I know. I’m stronger now. My kids are grown. It’s time to reclaim that part of my life. Michael was a wonderful man, still is. We are both in good places in our lives, now. I know we live a million miles apart, but if he’s willing to see where this goes, so am I. He wants to come visit this summer… (see “The Restaurant” above)

That about sums it up. I feel lighter now. I think it's time for a walk on the beach...